Sara Sweat, MA – Founder & CEO, Mindshift Advisors
Most of the founders and executives I work with are not struggling to succeed. They are, in fact, wildly competent people. People who can set a goal, build a plan, motivate a team, and execute it all in their sleep.
They don’t struggle to achieve. They struggle with what that achievement is costing them.
Peace. Enjoyment. Health.
They’ve got a vague illnesses they can’t quite get a diagnosis on. Their significant relationships are almost always under some sort of strain. They’re dealing with an exhaustion that doesn’t lift no matter how many “retreats” they attend.
On the outside, they appear to be crushing it & have every tangible artifact of success, but they’re struggling to be present with the people they love. They no longer enjoy their wins. And, they are self medicating to deal with all the pressure.
By the time, they’re at my door, they’ve spent years promising to get to the bottom of it all “once things quiet down”, “after the quarter closes”, or “when this new hire is finally onboarded” – but even they don’t believe their own words anymore.
I’m not the coach people see when they want a 2% gain in productivity. I’m the coach for the people who want to transform the way they succeed.
Achievement as a Safety Strategy
For many of these high-performing leaders, the drive to achieve is not primarily about ambition. It’s about safety.
Early in life, many high achievers learned a version of the same lesson. Performance = Protection.
Results were how they got noticed. How they earned approval. And, what created stability, peace, or relief. Their nervous system registered that connection and built an entire belief system around it; achieve, and you are okay. Stop achieving, or achieve less than expected, and you are at risk.
It’s not like your childhood has to be awful for you to have received these messages. Our entire Western society is built on the idea that our value directly correlates to our success. And, no matter how idyllic your upbringing may be, no one escapes childhood without figuring out how to survive.
As a survival strategy, achievement works incredibly well. The rewards for high performers come early and often. Visibility, financial security, respect. Who wouldn’t want those things?
So, we just keep raising the stakes and doing everything we can to keep the praise and accolades coming. And, for a long time, it works.
But, after awhile, what used to be the bar that only you could clear, becomes the table stakes everyone else expects. Your best is no longer impressive. It’s the norm.
The goal posts keep moving. And, no matter how fast or hard you run, you rarely feel like you’re doing anything more than just scraping by.
Something in you knows this isn’t sustainable, but you don’t know any other way to achieve. And, now everyone expects it. Everyone depends on you. That’s not a mindset – that’s the truth. You’re the lynchpin.
So you’re stuck in what feels like a double bind – resentful about how much is on your shoulders and terrified to let any of it go.
So, Now What?
Tired of reading about how you feel & ready to do something about it? Great.
Regulate: Because the first step is all about you. Or, to be specific, your neurobiology. When the brain perceives risk, it will prioritize short term threat management over long term wellness. That’s why you can’t take your foot off the gas.
Some part of your believes it’s actually keeping you safe. So, the first thing your body needs to learn is that it’s safety doesn’t come from your activity, but from your internal stability.
This doesn’t mean you need to be at a yoga class every week – though it probably wouldn’t hurt. It’s about infusing small practices into your existing day that send consistent, but perceptible signals that you are actually ok.
About building trust within your system that you are a grown up who is perfectly capable of handling whatever comes your way. (Which, by the way, you are.)
Rewire: Once your body is on board, we can get to the root of the beliefs that are driving the way you operate in the world. Those messages you learned that served you well in the beginning, but are currently burning you out – they’ve got to go.
And, they get to be replaced with things that are actually true now. So, instead of “If I don’t do it myself, it will never get done”, it becomes “not everything has to be done the way I would for it to be good”. Instead of “I’m only as good as my last quarter”, it’s “I learn and grow no matter what.”
Redefine: When the clutter and noise of old messages are gone from your head, we get to do the really fun stuff – design a world around what you value instead of what you fear.
You probably have a life motto or philosophy you borrowed from some great thinker. Or, maybe a quote that speaks to you from a beloved book. But, that’s not the same thing as a value.
A value is not what you believe. It’s what you’d sacrifice for. It’s the thing that is worth so much to you that you’d wouldn’t compromise it even if it meant saying no to something important.
What you value ends up creating your life. Get it right and you’ll get your best results yet – without the unnecessary tax.
If you think business psychology coaching might benefit you or your company, don’t wait until the burnout is severe. This isn’t the kind of thing you want to tackle on your own. Take the first step toward a kind of success that’s sustainable and you might actually have fun doing what you love.
Mindshift Advisors works with founders and executives at early-stage companies, bringing clinical depth and business fluency to the problems that traditional coaching cannot reach. Learn more at mindshiftadvisors.com.
If this resonated, forward it to a leader who deserves to more than achieve.
